你不懂我 我不怪你

     你总说我淡然，其实你不知道，我只是假装让往事如烟。自从来到这烟火人间，我就深深地知道，月缺多于月圆，人生没有永远。

　　你总说我自私，守着自己的世界，格格不入，其实你不知道，我只是害怕受伤。不遇，便可不念；不念，便可不殇。

　　你总说我不懂爱，其实你不知道，我只是不想万劫不复，而我我恰恰太容易给了爱。爱容易，相忘难，腹水难收。

　　每个人都有一个死角，自己走不出来，别人也闯不进去，习惯把最深沉的秘密放在那里，你不懂我，我不怪你。每个人都有一道伤口，或深或浅，盖上布，以为不存在，我把最殷红的鲜血涂在那里。你不懂我，我不怪你…我们只是输给了时间。

　　这世上最伤人一句话是：回不去了，最可怕的一句话是：习惯了。走了太久，孤独了太久，习惯了一个人上路，习惯了把最炙热的情感所在无人可以窥视的角落，习惯了自己的伤口自己舔，习惯了自己的心酸自己尝，习惯了黑夜的冷清……习惯了，所以好像觉得理所当然，习惯了，所以心安理得。所以，你不懂我，我不怪你，只是输给了习惯。

　　也许，岁月太会把人戏。

　　也许，我太坚强，坚强到没心没肺

　　也许，你眼中的我，太会照顾自己

　　也许我太会隐藏自己的悲伤

　　也许我太会安慰自己的伤痕

　　也许，你也只是习惯了……

　　所以，你从不考虑我的感受

　　所以，你可以随意将我伤害……

　　有些时候懂了就是懂了，不懂得，你解释依旧不懂。你不懂我，我不怪你。不是为了显示自己大度，也不是显得自己有多高尚，只是想让你明白：话不投机半句多。

　　于是，我常常凝眸浅笑，静而不语。

Calling beneath

A little incident today make my day.

What my hearts feel ( explicit ) :

I really can't withstand my so-call-friends. ( should I named them as friend? Yeah, i think so because friend's definition is just someone you spent long time to work with ) You expect so much things from me. I tried to fulfill your expecation one by one without any complains. And yet i know today i know i did something wrong and i feel guity about it. But hey man, it is just a 10min presentation. What so hard for you to help me to present. Do you think this is really what i want? Do i fucking want the traffic jam to be there? Yeah, sorry if i offended you. But let me tell you all one thing, all of your reaction offended me as well. I may be introvert, i may be someone who seldom express my own feelings, but don't take this as advantage on me. I am truly disappointed today, and seriously i am fed up with you all. Talking about disappointment, i always the one who review myself whatever that out from my mouth to prevent damage to other feelings. And yeah, congratulation! You all did that. You all get me pissed off. I don't think you all neither deserve my commitment anymore nor my feelings. I will just S.F.T.U and do my own thing from now on.

What my brains want to say :

There is an inspiring incidents happened today. Am wondering what is the definition of friends or collegue? You thought you are the one who defined it but it is kinda funnny that one day you realize that everything is predefined.

You try to change something. So hard, so hard. Until a point, where you lose hope. Losing what that make you ticks, losing all the faith you got.

Bashed by outer disappointed. Outer disappoinment is caused by you yourself. You deserved it. But what bugging you is the inner disappointment. You put in faith as in you still believe in true friendship, the time where you will be the support for others and others to support you. But sorry to say that, that why won't be happening. Life is cruel and yet judgemental ( i bet you knew it ). But you the one who let yourself get confused.

You are wearing a mask to everyone. I know you are against it, but funny thing about it is that you signed up to this. You are the one who got yourself in this shit. Succumb to failure, disappointment. Life followed by eroding hope and faith. 

You are not yourself, you are Joash that constantly lurking in some whirpool. You can't get yourself out or helps. 

You need helps and i hope you think you really deserve it. But who is going go help you? Your so-called-friend? A? B? C? She?

I need you back, Wayne.

墙角的玫瑰

其实很认真。玩笑只不过是没信心。

设了一个不能超越的界限。才发现原来最可笑的不是现实，

而是自己。

不是到不了，而是中途迷了路。以为想得很透彻，也许无知更好。

就继续冰封下去吧。

非诚忽扰。

Joash

People on the street,
thick jacket enclosed as though as it is the mask,
masking something which was hidden.
Rain falls,
The sky seems to carry a lot of secrets.
Secrets? For who?
The one that hate? The one that loved? Or the one that don't care?
The scent of the air? Feel familiar?
Feelings of an bottle, with nothing in it.
Staying in vigil, but thundering all around inside.
Lone, something that so deep and yet so shallow.
For the girl in a crowd, for the man waiting alone in the bench,
for the pregnant who get pushed, for the blind across the street,
for the guy standing alone, staring up the sky.
What display on the eyes, not just blue sky
But the picture beneath the heart.
Pure darkness with pure emptyness.

Untitled

Some said it on the sky,

Some said it lost in the space.

Going round and round,

seeking for disengagement.
Its like wandering in a labyrinth,

there is no ways to exclude from it.

Swallowed up in the Dark.

Is it past? pain? hate? Or even love?
Thought finally reached the ground.

Another moment, it is just another compartment.

Compartment of another jungle,

where you never exempt yourself.

For once, a dimmed light of hope shine upon you.

Its wasn't that strong, but it is strong enough for u to survive.

But survive from what?

Couldn't see the relevance of the hope that i am grasping for.

Its just another cycle after all.

People claim that

people are strong.

That's a lie.

Don't you agree?

舞台

最近很忙，忙到没有时间停下来好好让自己思考一下。
或许应该说让自己好好反省。
工作嘛，遇到了人际上的问题。
有时候，当自己一直在评论别人的不好，可能我也不必别人好。
做人很难，难就难在我们都追求完美。
可是完美真的存在吗？到底什么才是完美？
盲目的追啊追，到头来连自己也迷失了自己。
有人说，人生说人生像一部戏，每个人都扮演着属于自己的舞台剧。
演得好，别人会说是你应该的。演得不好，那就是你活该。
人生真的很残酷，没有人会看到你在舞台背后的付出。
甚至也不能保证有人会真的留意在看你的表演。
有人说，演好你自己，对得起自己就好。
可是又有多少人能做到呢？
大道理，我们都懂。但，懂了又怎样？
现实改变不了，你扮演得真的还是你自己吗？
你的舞台表达的是你想表达的？
还是你在表达别人想要你表达的？
如果人生真的如此，我希望我扮演的是一名观众。
静静的倾听别人如何述说着他们的故事，
好好的观赏现实如何讽刺着他们的故事。
人生，可笑吧。

Cross roads

The shortest distance
Between two points
Is the line
From me to you

Feet turning black
Is this the path we must walk?
No turning back
Wish I could just hear you talk

Can something like this be pulled
From under our feet?
Leaving our skin
And burning coals to meet

Tell me now.