What my hearts feel ( explicit ) :
I really can't withstand my so-call-friends. ( should I named them as friend? Yeah, i think so because friend's definition is just someone you spent long time to work with ) You expect so much things from me. I tried to fulfill your expecation one by one without any complains. And yet i know today i know i did something wrong and i feel guity about it. But hey man, it is just a 10min presentation. What so hard for you to help me to present. Do you think this is really what i want? Do i fucking want the traffic jam to be there? Yeah, sorry if i offended you. But let me tell you all one thing, all of your reaction offended me as well. I may be introvert, i may be someone who seldom express my own feelings, but don't take this as advantage on me. I am truly disappointed today, and seriously i am fed up with you all. Talking about disappointment, i always the one who review myself whatever that out from my mouth to prevent damage to other feelings. And yeah, congratulation! You all did that. You all get me pissed off. I don't think you all neither deserve my commitment anymore nor my feelings. I will just S.F.T.U and do my own thing from now on.
What my brains want to say :
There is an inspiring incidents happened today. Am wondering what is the definition of friends or collegue? You thought you are the one who defined it but it is kinda funnny that one day you realize that everything is predefined.
You try to change something. So hard, so hard. Until a point, where you lose hope. Losing what that make you ticks, losing all the faith you got.
Bashed by outer disappointed. Outer disappoinment is caused by you yourself. You deserved it. But what bugging you is the inner disappointment. You put in faith as in you still believe in true friendship, the time where you will be the support for others and others to support you. But sorry to say that, that why won't be happening. Life is cruel and yet judgemental ( i bet you knew it ). But you the one who let yourself get confused.
You are wearing a mask to everyone. I know you are against it, but funny thing about it is that you signed up to this. You are the one who got yourself in this shit. Succumb to failure, disappointment. Life followed by eroding hope and faith.
You are not yourself, you are Joash that constantly lurking in some whirpool. You can't get yourself out or helps.
You need helps and i hope you think you really deserve it. But who is going go help you? Your so-called-friend? A? B? C? She?
I need you back, Wayne.
