你不懂我 我不怪你

     你总说我淡然，其实你不知道，我只是假装让往事如烟。自从来到这烟火人间，我就深深地知道，月缺多于月圆，人生没有永远。

　　你总说我自私，守着自己的世界，格格不入，其实你不知道，我只是害怕受伤。不遇，便可不念；不念，便可不殇。

　　你总说我不懂爱，其实你不知道，我只是不想万劫不复，而我我恰恰太容易给了爱。爱容易，相忘难，腹水难收。

　　每个人都有一个死角，自己走不出来，别人也闯不进去，习惯把最深沉的秘密放在那里，你不懂我，我不怪你。每个人都有一道伤口，或深或浅，盖上布，以为不存在，我把最殷红的鲜血涂在那里。你不懂我，我不怪你…我们只是输给了时间。

　　这世上最伤人一句话是：回不去了，最可怕的一句话是：习惯了。走了太久，孤独了太久，习惯了一个人上路，习惯了把最炙热的情感所在无人可以窥视的角落，习惯了自己的伤口自己舔，习惯了自己的心酸自己尝，习惯了黑夜的冷清……习惯了，所以好像觉得理所当然，习惯了，所以心安理得。所以，你不懂我，我不怪你，只是输给了习惯。

　　也许，岁月太会把人戏。

　　也许，我太坚强，坚强到没心没肺

　　也许，你眼中的我，太会照顾自己

　　也许我太会隐藏自己的悲伤

　　也许我太会安慰自己的伤痕

　　也许，你也只是习惯了……

　　所以，你从不考虑我的感受

　　所以，你可以随意将我伤害……

　　有些时候懂了就是懂了，不懂得，你解释依旧不懂。你不懂我，我不怪你。不是为了显示自己大度，也不是显得自己有多高尚，只是想让你明白：话不投机半句多。

　　于是，我常常凝眸浅笑，静而不语。

Calling beneath

A little incident today make my day.

What my hearts feel ( explicit ) :

I really can't withstand my so-call-friends. ( should I named them as friend? Yeah, i think so because friend's definition is just someone you spent long time to work with ) You expect so much things from me. I tried to fulfill your expecation one by one without any complains. And yet i know today i know i did something wrong and i feel guity about it. But hey man, it is just a 10min presentation. What so hard for you to help me to present. Do you think this is really what i want? Do i fucking want the traffic jam to be there? Yeah, sorry if i offended you. But let me tell you all one thing, all of your reaction offended me as well. I may be introvert, i may be someone who seldom express my own feelings, but don't take this as advantage on me. I am truly disappointed today, and seriously i am fed up with you all. Talking about disappointment, i always the one who review myself whatever that out from my mouth to prevent damage to other feelings. And yeah, congratulation! You all did that. You all get me pissed off. I don't think you all neither deserve my commitment anymore nor my feelings. I will just S.F.T.U and do my own thing from now on.

What my brains want to say :

There is an inspiring incidents happened today. Am wondering what is the definition of friends or collegue? You thought you are the one who defined it but it is kinda funnny that one day you realize that everything is predefined.

You try to change something. So hard, so hard. Until a point, where you lose hope. Losing what that make you ticks, losing all the faith you got.

Bashed by outer disappointed. Outer disappoinment is caused by you yourself. You deserved it. But what bugging you is the inner disappointment. You put in faith as in you still believe in true friendship, the time where you will be the support for others and others to support you. But sorry to say that, that why won't be happening. Life is cruel and yet judgemental ( i bet you knew it ). But you the one who let yourself get confused.

You are wearing a mask to everyone. I know you are against it, but funny thing about it is that you signed up to this. You are the one who got yourself in this shit. Succumb to failure, disappointment. Life followed by eroding hope and faith. 

You are not yourself, you are Joash that constantly lurking in some whirpool. You can't get yourself out or helps. 

You need helps and i hope you think you really deserve it. But who is going go help you? Your so-called-friend? A? B? C? She?

I need you back, Wayne.

墙角的玫瑰

其实很认真。玩笑只不过是没信心。

设了一个不能超越的界限。才发现原来最可笑的不是现实，

而是自己。

不是到不了，而是中途迷了路。以为想得很透彻，也许无知更好。

就继续冰封下去吧。

非诚忽扰。

Joash

People on the street,
thick jacket enclosed as though as it is the mask,
masking something which was hidden.
Rain falls,
The sky seems to carry a lot of secrets.
Secrets? For who?
The one that hate? The one that loved? Or the one that don't care?
The scent of the air? Feel familiar?
Feelings of an bottle, with nothing in it.
Staying in vigil, but thundering all around inside.
Lone, something that so deep and yet so shallow.
For the girl in a crowd, for the man waiting alone in the bench,
for the pregnant who get pushed, for the blind across the street,
for the guy standing alone, staring up the sky.
What display on the eyes, not just blue sky
But the picture beneath the heart.
Pure darkness with pure emptyness.

Untitled

Some said it on the sky,

Some said it lost in the space.

Going round and round,

seeking for disengagement.
Its like wandering in a labyrinth,

there is no ways to exclude from it.

Swallowed up in the Dark.

Is it past? pain? hate? Or even love?
Thought finally reached the ground.

Another moment, it is just another compartment.

Compartment of another jungle,

where you never exempt yourself.

For once, a dimmed light of hope shine upon you.

Its wasn't that strong, but it is strong enough for u to survive.

But survive from what?

Couldn't see the relevance of the hope that i am grasping for.

Its just another cycle after all.

People claim that

people are strong.

That's a lie.

Don't you agree?

舞台

最近很忙，忙到没有时间停下来好好让自己思考一下。
或许应该说让自己好好反省。
工作嘛，遇到了人际上的问题。
有时候，当自己一直在评论别人的不好，可能我也不必别人好。
做人很难，难就难在我们都追求完美。
可是完美真的存在吗？到底什么才是完美？
盲目的追啊追，到头来连自己也迷失了自己。
有人说，人生说人生像一部戏，每个人都扮演着属于自己的舞台剧。
演得好，别人会说是你应该的。演得不好，那就是你活该。
人生真的很残酷，没有人会看到你在舞台背后的付出。
甚至也不能保证有人会真的留意在看你的表演。
有人说，演好你自己，对得起自己就好。
可是又有多少人能做到呢？
大道理，我们都懂。但，懂了又怎样？
现实改变不了，你扮演得真的还是你自己吗？
你的舞台表达的是你想表达的？
还是你在表达别人想要你表达的？
如果人生真的如此，我希望我扮演的是一名观众。
静静的倾听别人如何述说着他们的故事，
好好的观赏现实如何讽刺着他们的故事。
人生，可笑吧。

Cross roads

The shortest distance
Between two points
Is the line
From me to you

Feet turning black
Is this the path we must walk?
No turning back
Wish I could just hear you talk

Can something like this be pulled
From under our feet?
Leaving our skin
And burning coals to meet

Tell me now.

Bed time story...

很久以前，有一位公主想到河的对岸去寻找她的王子。
穿了一件华丽的连身裙，来到了河边。
河边有一只驴子，公主很着急地想见她的王子。
于是就对驴子说：可以背我到对岸吗？
驴子答：好啊。
公主说：可是过程中不可以让我的长裙弄湿。
驴子说：这个我可不能保证。
公主听到了驴子的回答，很失望。于是就坐在一棵树下。
过了不久，公主等得不耐烦了，于是就再次向驴子要求帮忙。
然而驴子的回答依然不变，由于公主很着急了，便让驴子背她过河。
公主骑到驴子上，感觉很温暖，很踏实。
驴子一步一步，小心翼翼地背公主到对岸。
公主很享受驴子给予她的安全感，驴子也很享受背着公主的感觉。
走着走着，于是抵达了对岸。不料，公主的长裙不小心给弄湿了。
公主很纳闷。
驴子问公主：你会为我留下吗？
公主沉默了一阵子，然后转头就走了。去寻找寻找她心目中的王子。
驴子什么也没说什么，低着头回到岸边等待下一位公主。

镜子里的我

想起这几年发生的事情，被折腾了不少。

看见久违不见的朋友，他们也觉得我变了。

有吗？我是这样回答他们。

回到房里，看着镜子，好好反省了很久。

也许经历了很多，承受了很多，

是成长吗？

是磨练吗？

我不懂。

可是我决定了，我想改变，我想变得更强。

告诉自己，不要再让自己给打到。

告诉自己，就算是一个人也可以过得很好。

告诉自己，要对自己好一点。

失去了月亮的夜晚，再黑暗，总会有星星的陪伴。

失去了目标的人生，再悲伤，总会有希望的照耀。

答应自己,

下次看着镜子时，会有一个全新的我！！！

沙漠里的水瓶

有时候，感觉很空虚。

与一群朋友出去聊天，看戏，玩耍，

聚会里充满了欢笑，喜悦，吵闹。

怎么了会突然觉得很空虚呢？

很讽刺。。。可是我不懂为什么。

怎么突然间觉得现在的健伟怪怪的。

开始把自己给封闭起来。

很想找一个知心朋友，想把所有的不愉快向它倾述。

不想每次一个人孤单地在房里挨饭盒。

不想每次空虚时，只能躲在被单里强逼自己睡觉。

不想每次看着电话，打开联络，却找没人。

不想每次去图书馆时都是一个人。

不想每次一个人去逛街。

不想每次自己跟自己讲话。

不想每次在聚会里被别人冷落。

不想每晚陪我入睡的是孤单寂寞。

不想每晚肚子饿了，却找不到人去吃晚餐。

不想每次想要哭泣时，都强忍泪水因为没有人会在乎。

不想每次我说我很好时，别人就相信了。

好希望有一个人可以从我眼里，发现我的悲伤，把它带走。

我真的很不想很不想这样来度过我的生活。

我真的好期待好渴望。

不想像一个沙漠里的水瓶，等待着一个人来把它装满。

Expired Date

Sometimes,
During a journey, i looked up to the sky, And i wondered,
Are the things i'm having now will last eternally?
Friendship...Love...Care...Ignorance..etc.
Maybe i am abit paranoid..Maybe i am too over concerned...
Maybe i am struggling over myself...
But somehow i always believed that there is always an expired date for everything.
I believed that one who accompany me to the other end of the world would be myself.
Life is like a train, there are always people come and out from the train.
Maybe at this station, you came to me and say ''hello''.
Then the next thing would be you saying ''goodbye'' and leaving the train.
Or maybe i entered someone's train and crossed someone's mind.
Would it be better if we never entered someone's life and doesn't leave a footstep in their life?
In the meanwhile, i would like to think that actually everything in our life happen for a reason.
People come in our life... in a season... for a reason...
And to teach us a lifetime lesson.
One thing i could certain is that,
If i din treasured the moments i having now, then when can i do it?
Because i know that no matter how much suffering i went through, i never wanted to let go of those memories...

亲情，友情，爱情三部曲

亲情，我会比喻它是一杯水。
最近发现父母都老了，以前吵闹的家，现在只剩下两老在家。
经历了很多事情，不知道是我变得成熟了，还是我以前我不懂事，
亲情原来是最重要的，虽然我和家人关系没有很好，
可是我会努力搞好和家人的关系。
水，是人生不可或缺的元素，就像亲情一样。

友情对我来说是一杯红酒。为什么呢？
现在的我已步入2字头了，来到另外一个人生旅程碑。
以前的我，很幼稚，认为朋友越多越好，努力的讨好别人，
搞到自己已失去自我。
现在的我懂了，朋友不用多，知己好友一两个就够了。
大学里，我学会了如何一个人过生活。
一个人吃饭，去图书馆，出街，看戏，已经习惯了。
有时候遇到朋友会问：健伟，怎么一个人啊？
我会笑笑的说：享受孤单嘛。
红酒放得越久，就会越好喝。就像我的好友知己一样。

爱情，像是一杯烈酒。
开始时，会很好奇什么是爱情，会很像尝试一下。
就像爱情一样。
尝试了以后，才发现原来不是想像中的那样。
爱情让人尝尽甜蜜，也让人尝到撕裂心肺的痛。
到最后发现，原来爱情就像烈酒一样，
如果你不能接受爱情的后果，就不要喝下这杯烈酒。

人生。。。

跌跌撞撞，经历了很多，最终还是回到原点。
人生就是这样，
误打误撞地找到了另一半，
但是又不知不觉回到了原点。
有时候，会怀疑人生的目的是什么？
是金钱？是爱情？是友情？
难道这就是人生吗？
现在的我，像一个断线的风筝。
随着风，飘着飘着到达了一个地方。
接着又随着风，离开了一个地方到了另一个地方。
毫无目的，毫无方向。
日子久了，就习惯了这种生活。
原来一个人还蛮不错嘛.
不好的是,当深夜到了，
一个熟悉的画面，一首简单的歌，一个模糊的回忆，
又被不安，后悔，歉意，孤独又被给侵袭了。
咳......
这就是我的人生。。。